love letter to july

Oh July. I miss you, July.

You were the definition of Summer Love.  

You were the days I spent watching the sun rise and set simultaneously.  You were the nights I spent on the balcony staring at the stars and listening to playlists that made me wonder if he too, could see the moon.  July, you were the nights I spent making pancakes with the one who looked really good when he brought the gallons of milk in from the garage... because his muscles snuck out from under that t-shirt sleeve in the best way. (And yeah, I noticed. Sue me.)  Oh July, you sounded like country music and felt like fireworks booming in my chest.  You were red hearts, white flags waved desperately, and blue eyes.  You renovated my broken heart and put it up For Sale.  Not because it was foreclosed, or because I had gone bankrupt.  The sign read: For Sale by Owner.  And I don't think I've ever put that sign up on my heart before.  July, you made me face my fears.  You put me out in the battlefield and let me fend for myself... and I did just fine.  You are the movie I wish I could remember, and you are the boy down South I wish I could forget.

July, you introduced me to people who made me better and not worse.  You were happiness.  You were the hat he looked really good in, and you were the first time I heard that stupid Nicki Minaj song.  July, you were too-big-snow-cones and uncomfortable conversation about people who didn't care anymore.  You were black sneakers, and rap songs that I pretended I knew all the words to.  You were the last dance he saved for me, and the frustration I felt when it didn't happen.  You were the first time I heard about the Failure to Launch Effect.  You were the inside jokes he whispered between scripture verses, and all the times he laughed about the boy in the cowboy hat.  July, you were that time I played ultimate frisbee, and I didn't even touch the frisbee once.  You were the surprise party I missed, and the awkward text messages I received.  You were the tug-of-war I played with my head and my heart.  July, you were the days I felt like I could talk to God.  You were the times he sprayed me with his water-bottle and I pretended I was mad about it.  You were wild animal shirts and punk rock alter-egos.  You were days that didn't end at 11:59p.m... And maybe I wasn't awake past curfew, but my heart sure was.  You were the three-legged races, the sun-tanned faces, and my heart's competitive races.  You were the hallways lined with flags from different countries and the whispers that only those flags heard.  You were the happiest hellos, and the most saddening goodbyes.  

Oh July.  I miss you, July.