i am not your ash tray

i put my heart in the palm of your hand
and you set it aside
suffocating me with your complacence

while i fought for every breath
you smoked your cigars
one by one
losing me in the smoke behind you

you're addicted to the power
you're addicted to the upper-hand
you're addicted to feeling like a wanted man

you were never in this for me.

my chest was heavy
my ribcage frail
as my lungs began to collapse
i prepared to take one last breath

but in an instant my eyes were opened,
the weight in my chest lightened

sudden resuscitation

his every word breathed life back into my lungs
his sincerity patched up every missing piece you took
and his eyes became my careful protectors

he is all that you could never be.

but here you are sitting on my couch
trying to convince me that you're sorry...
an addict with severe withdrawals
of being what (i thought) i wanted.
still, your eyes search mine like a microscope
seeking any trace of vulnerability
any hint that i still care


but all you can see
is that i can breathe again


and suddenly you say you'll give up smoking.

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