closure.

i wanted him to be so much more.

i wanted us to be so much more.

i wanted him to be the gentleman i met on our first date

the guy who looked at me when he thought i didn't notice

the guy who could make me feel safe with just a glance

the guy who wasn't afraid to show me that i was important.

but now he's the sour lemonade,

the beyonce i listen to when i'm pissed off

and the drake lyrics i swore i wouldn't get into

but they are all too relevant from my point of view

i should've known this was a much bigger problem

than our height difference

i knew we would never see eye to eye

but i gave him the benefit of the doubt

even when i knew he didn't deserve it.

the truth is

with each win you lost sight of me

and that is your biggest loss

the truth is

i lost a lot of things in the last two months

and i'm the least sorry about losing you

because the truth is

you were never there for me

and i was always there for you.

blame it on the fact that 'you're busy'

or blame it on the fact that you're dumb & 18

or how about we blame it on the cold hard fact

that you simply didn't care enough about me,

not even enough to say

"I hope you're doing okay."

he swung the door right open when he walked into my life

and i know i got swept up in the breeze

he stayed long enough for me to wish about what we could be

and each time he left, he left the door open enough to let it creak.

as time went by, the crack in the door remained

leaving just enough light for me to think he would come back

and to this day, he never let the door slam

he was too much of a coward to ever let it shut

and every night for the last two months

i have heard that door creak in the back of my mind

while i have tried to fall asleep

but yesterday, i was sick of the headache

& the heartache that came as a result of his complacence

so i grabbed the handle and opened the door

just enough to see 

that it led to nowhere

i twisted the key and shut the door behind me.

i don't even know if he heard or saw

but this isn't about him anymore

it's about closure

and doors

and the places they lead

and how they should lead to places

where people don't just pretend to care about me.