hurricane's eye

even when the wind
sends me whip lashing in every direction

even when the tide pulls me in
sinking far below the surface

even when i'm drowning in deadlines
and i'm swimming against the current

i find refuge here with you
my eye of the hurricane


you are tranquility amid turbulence
even on the most arduous days

so go ahead, send out all the storm warnings
send out all the signs
tell me all the reasons I shouldn't brave this weather

hazards may fall, conditions may be severe
but it doesn't matter

because here with you,
my eye of the hurricane

i'm always going to be just fine

autumn.rain

tonight we leave the window cracked

because lightning strikes make us feel alive

pitter-patter

full-out downpour

maybe we like the sound of hydroplaning

because it's just extreme puddle jumping

and we are tired of tip toeing

tonight when we crack the window

and untwist the blinds

we embrace simplicity

& fall in love with the ordinary

it's you and me

hands intertwined

beneath the sheets 

and with every raindrop that falls

i

         fall

                          in love

                                                with

our

               simple     

                                    little

                                                   life

over due

I'm sorry that I've never written you a poem
or documented us this way
but every time I look into your eyes
they tell the whole story, better than I could tell it myself

and like a child my heart yearns
"tell me again,
tell me the story again"

And with one look in your eyes I see

me scraping the bottom of my cup,
smiling the whole drive home

and the night picnic under the stars

how we kept scooting closer together
both unsure of the limits

a hammock, a nasty view
and your heart racing against my ear

the night I told you everything
and you just listened.

blankets in your backyard
and even though we just had our first fight,
realizing that I loved you

the driving realization
that you're a lot like my dad

a dark parking lot
and an "iloveyou"
and an
"iloveyou...too"

how could I possibly tell the whole story
of how I continue to fall in love with you

how could I possibly put into words
every little thing you do

and even though I am just brushing the surface,
this poem is long, long over due.

defrost (04.09)

i still remember freezing

and wishing the traffic light wouldn't ever turn green

your ears were cold

i could feel them when i whispered

my hands went numb

and i thought you were just too nervous

snow fell that night

you fell too, but only physically 

my feet were cold

but i guess now we know

yours were colder

it snowed today

and i think that's what reminded me

dad I owe you an apology (04.08)

I'm sorry I talk about myself

It's just that today was the first time

I haven't felt alone

In a room full of strangers

All eyes on you

Kind eyes

Listening eyes

Eyes that have seen

The same things yours have 

They've seen the same kind of pain

and denial

and felt sorry for themselves too, I bet

Dad I owe you an apology

I cried about you today

But I didn't mention everything

I cried about the pain but ignored the progress

I cried about how alone I felt but didn't mention how
you were there for me in the midst of your own suffering 

I cried about no one understanding,
yet I am the one who will never understand

I cried about how you're gone
but left out all the times I've felt you here since

Dad I owe you an apology

I cried about you today

But I need to be better at paying attention

I'm sorry I cried to you while you were suffering

I'm sorry I cried to you about your suffering

As if you could have changed it

I still cry about it

And I know that will not change

But Dad I owe you an apology

You gave me all the strength in the world

I'm just sorry I haven't figured out how to use it without you yet

where is my rescuer? (04.07)

my hope is that one of these days

you'll stop sending out lifelines--

that you'll be humble enough to put your hand in this freezing cold water

and have the strength to pull me into the boat with you

in memory (04.06)

there's too much i'm afraid to forget

his memory is not words

it is rib-crushing hugs

bad dad jokes

Jimmer's last game in the Marriott Center

the way he yelled and cheered while i danced

the funny phrases he'd say on business calls

his flyin' hawaiian shirt

Diet Coke & Sunflower Seeds

a wheezing laugh after a dirty joke

teaching me how to ride a bike

how his face always turned really red on Tower of Terror

the way he looked at you over the top of his glasses

dancing at my sisters' weddings

holding grand-babies for the first time

how he secretly loved the dog he claimed to hate

stale black licorice

Dad Rock Radio stations, and how he always sang along slightly off-key

but his memory is also

the look in his eyes when the doctor said "cancer"

a bald head and a bright smile

hours spent watching the NBA finals

all the times i heard him say goodbye

the time he told me he wasn't afraid to die

all the drives speeding on the freeway to get home, wondering if i'd get there in time

how he went from a strong man to a completely dependent frail one

the way he wept so often after his stroke

and apologized to Mom for not having the life they'd hoped for

how on that last day he put his head next to mine, and I told him "Daddy, I don't want you to suffer anymore" and he promised he wouldn't

and then he waved goodbye to us like he knew it was his time

and in his final moments of pain, he left behind the words "I love you"

He said them over and over again.