dad I owe you an apology (04.08)

I'm sorry I talk about myself

It's just that today was the first time

I haven't felt alone

In a room full of strangers

All eyes on you

Kind eyes

Listening eyes

Eyes that have seen

The same things yours have 

They've seen the same kind of pain

and denial

and felt sorry for themselves too, I bet

Dad I owe you an apology

I cried about you today

But I didn't mention everything

I cried about the pain but ignored the progress

I cried about how alone I felt but didn't mention how
you were there for me in the midst of your own suffering 

I cried about no one understanding,
yet I am the one who will never understand

I cried about how you're gone
but left out all the times I've felt you here since

Dad I owe you an apology

I cried about you today

But I need to be better at paying attention

I'm sorry I cried to you while you were suffering

I'm sorry I cried to you about your suffering

As if you could have changed it

I still cry about it

And I know that will not change

But Dad I owe you an apology

You gave me all the strength in the world

I'm just sorry I haven't figured out how to use it without you yet