there's too much i'm afraid to forget
his memory is not words
it is rib-crushing hugs
bad dad jokes
Jimmer's last game in the Marriott Center
the way he yelled and cheered while i danced
the funny phrases he'd say on business calls
his flyin' hawaiian shirt
Diet Coke & Sunflower Seeds
a wheezing laugh after a dirty joke
teaching me how to ride a bike
how his face always turned really red on Tower of Terror
the way he looked at you over the top of his glasses
dancing at my sisters' weddings
holding grand-babies for the first time
how he secretly loved the dog he claimed to hate
stale black licorice
Dad Rock Radio stations, and how he always sang along slightly off-key
but his memory is also
the look in his eyes when the doctor said "cancer"
a bald head and a bright smile
hours spent watching the NBA finals
all the times i heard him say goodbye
the time he told me he wasn't afraid to die
all the drives speeding on the freeway to get home, wondering if i'd get there in time
how he went from a strong man to a completely dependent frail one
the way he wept so often after his stroke
and apologized to Mom for not having the life they'd hoped for
how on that last day he put his head next to mine, and I told him "Daddy, I don't want you to suffer anymore" and he promised he wouldn't
and then he waved goodbye to us like he knew it was his time
and in his final moments of pain, he left behind the words "I love you"
He said them over and over again.
tears
ReplyDelete