i guess i'll be the brave one...

I don't know how to say this,

my name is...

PSYCH

Those of you on your computers can hear the music.

You've been Rick-Rolled.

Sorry I just couldn't help myself.

Check back later.

everybody's dust-shaking

This is for the benchwarmers.

This is for the students with parents who don't understand

that the alphabet continues after the letter A.

This is for those who work multiple jobs,

and for those who don't work at all.

This is for the couples who divorce after twenty years of marriage.

This is for the play-ground bullies, and what they are afraid of.

This is for the readers and the teachers;

the preachers and the believers.

This is for the class clowns that go home and hear nothing but put downs.

This is for you.  

This is for the loners, 

the stoners, 

and the fraudulent business owners.

This is for the thieves whose kids just need something to eat.

This is for the happy eyes,

and this is for every time they've cried.

This is for the lonely leaders.

This is for the picky eaters.

This is for the worriers,

and this is for the warriors.

This is for you.

This is for the over protective parents

and the absentee parents.

And this is for their children.

This is for the hood-wearers, the back row occupiers...

and their silent cries for help.

This is for the OCDs, 

ADDs, 

PTSDs, 

and everybody else 

who is constantly struggling.

This is for the high school dropouts,

the childhood dropouts,

the college dropouts,

the family dropouts,

the love dropouts,

and the life dropouts.

And this is for everyone.

We're just doing our best.

Shake the dust.

hey, wait a minute mr. postman

 

 

 

love letter to july

Oh July. I miss you, July.

You were the definition of Summer Love.  

You were the days I spent watching the sun rise and set simultaneously.  You were the nights I spent on the balcony staring at the stars and listening to playlists that made me wonder if he too, could see the moon.  July, you were the nights I spent making pancakes with the one who looked really good when he brought the gallons of milk in from the garage... because his muscles snuck out from under that t-shirt sleeve in the best way. (And yeah, I noticed. Sue me.)  Oh July, you sounded like country music and felt like fireworks booming in my chest.  You were red hearts, white flags waved desperately, and blue eyes.  You renovated my broken heart and put it up For Sale.  Not because it was foreclosed, or because I had gone bankrupt.  The sign read: For Sale by Owner.  And I don't think I've ever put that sign up on my heart before.  July, you made me face my fears.  You put me out in the battlefield and let me fend for myself... and I did just fine.  You are the movie I wish I could remember, and you are the boy down South I wish I could forget.

July, you introduced me to people who made me better and not worse.  You were happiness.  You were the hat he looked really good in, and you were the first time I heard that stupid Nicki Minaj song.  July, you were too-big-snow-cones and uncomfortable conversation about people who didn't care anymore.  You were black sneakers, and rap songs that I pretended I knew all the words to.  You were the last dance he saved for me, and the frustration I felt when it didn't happen.  You were the first time I heard about the Failure to Launch Effect.  You were the inside jokes he whispered between scripture verses, and all the times he laughed about the boy in the cowboy hat.  July, you were that time I played ultimate frisbee, and I didn't even touch the frisbee once.  You were the surprise party I missed, and the awkward text messages I received.  You were the tug-of-war I played with my head and my heart.  July, you were the days I felt like I could talk to God.  You were the times he sprayed me with his water-bottle and I pretended I was mad about it.  You were wild animal shirts and punk rock alter-egos.  You were days that didn't end at 11:59p.m... And maybe I wasn't awake past curfew, but my heart sure was.  You were the three-legged races, the sun-tanned faces, and my heart's competitive races.  You were the hallways lined with flags from different countries and the whispers that only those flags heard.  You were the happiest hellos, and the most saddening goodbyes.  

Oh July.  I miss you, July.

reasons I'm afraid I might be in love with you

Fear increases your heart rate,

and spikes your blood pressure.

Your breathing becomes rapid,

shallow, and difficult.

Your judgment becomes impaired,

And you don't make good decisions,

or think logically

about your next best move.

Time slows down,

Nothing feels real.

And when in fear...

all you can do

is feel.

But to me, that sounds a lot like love.

Which is fitting, because actually,

that's the biggest fear of mine.

And I wish I knew why.

(I've only had two panic attacks over this ^)

Maybe it's the feeling

of not being in control.

Maybe it's my fear of heights,

and knowing I have to fall.

Maybe I'm insecure,

maybe I'm afraid I can't be loved.

Or maybe it's the opposite,

maybe I can't love someone that much.

But in fact I think it's none of these,

even though I've feared these things before.

In fact I think the reason might be,

that I realized I am in love once more.

Reasons I'm Afraid I Might Be In Love With You

-I can't pinpoint when it happened.

-My friends are convinced that I am.

-There are only two and a half months of high school left.

-You gave me a chance and I didn't take it.

-The last time I talked to you, I did a dance around my kitchen.

-I told my mom about you.

-I've been listening to my stupid playlist for the last 24 hours.

-I am 100% myself around you.

-You listen to me.

-You care.

-I care.

-You've been walking around in the back of my mind for the last three months.

-I was listening to Taylor Swift yesterday, and I saw your face.

-I made this list.

(Which is perhaps, the most important reason of all.)

it's a wonderful life

Life is about dipping French fries in ice cream. Life is about driving in the rain. It's about watching the sun rise over the mountain on your way to school everyday. Life is about going to crazy parties but it's also about the weekends you stay at home binge-watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix.

Life is about smiling babies and grumpy old men. It's about seeing new sights. Life is about holding hands. Life is about airport reunions. It's about rejection letters from colleges you hoped to attend. Life is about going to college anyway. Life is about forgiving and forgiving and forgiving.

Life is about loving someone who will never love you back, it's about the nights you spend looking at the stars, and it's about loving someone who will always love you back. It's about making babies laugh. Life is about climbing mountains to see the view from the top. Life is about spilling soda on yourself and finding beauty within all the imperfections.

Life is about failing tests. It's about learning. Life is about loving people more than things. Life is about screwing up. It's about getting knocked over. It's about getting knocked out. Life is about getting back up and gaining your balance only to get shot down again. Life is about getting back up and gaining your balance only to get shot down again. Life is about getting back up and gaining your balance only to get shot down again.

So when you feel like you're dying, and you can't go on any longer, remember that you're learning how much strength it takes to survive.

And remember that you have that strength.

Because although life is about pain, and adversity, and pressure, and loss, and failure... It's about a lot of other things too.

Things that make it worthwhile.

broken contracts

Love. love. LOVE. love. Love.

It was whispered in the hallways,

It was announced over the intercom.

It was posted on lockers,

It was posted on Instagram.

It was written on posters,

It was written in notes.

It was said by teachers

And students

And parents

And strangers.

And friends.

you are loved. you are loved. you are loved.

We signed contracts on all the hearts we promised to love.

It's only been a week

And some of those contracts

Have already been lost,

Torn,

Forgotten.

I stood up for myself; I was torn down for it.

I was respectful; I was disrespected.

I said words I didn't mean; I was crucified for it.

I said words I did mean; I was crucified for it.

I tried my best; My best was the worst.

When will it ever be enough

I said what I was feeling; I was mocked.

I tried to be a friend; I lost all of mine.

I tried to move on; they didn't let me forget.

I tried to be kind; I was hated.

I tried to lead; they told me I went the wrong way.

I tried to help; I got hurt instead.

I tried.

I hurt.

I tried.

I hurt.

I'm hurt.

I'm trying.

I'm hurting.

The contract written on my heart is void.

It's been broken.

I'm broken.

I'm sorry.